"You're sure you don't mind?" Callie asked for the seven hundredth time.

            "I really, really don't," I assured her.

            She was referring to the fact that as of that afternoon, she had become my roommate for an uncertain amount of time.  The air conditioning had never managed to be repaired, and apparently, while they were in the process of trying to fix that issue, it was discovered that the hot water had gone out yet again.  The final straw was when they attempted to make that right, they ended up knocking out water to the complex altogether.  Because of these rapidly growing issues, the state was giving the landlord a week to bring the place up to code, but during that time, the tenants weren't able to stay.

            Which is how I came about having a punky pixie as a houseguest.  She would have just stayed with Nate, but with his odd working schedule, and her needing to be somewhat close to Mort's for her various shifts, I offered up Gram's third bedroom for as long as she needed.  She, at first, refused to be intrusive and insisted that she couldn't possibly invade my space, but the reality of not having a whole lot of other options sort of sealed the deal.

            I was thrilled to have her.  It was somehow like having a sister in the house.  A sister that didn't make me want to stick my head in the oven.  Her never waning enthusiasm was something I was looking forward to in the mornings, wondering if they would work as a replacement for caffeine possibly.

            Her situation really had me feeling for her.  She was a very independent person, and she refused to be carried even in the slightest.  She would already be living with Nate were it not for her need to be able to support herself strictly on her own.  Sure, Nate would be able to afford for her to be there while she was finishing school, and this would allow her to quit her job at Mort's, which if you asked me, wouldn't be a terrible thing to get to do.  She was resolute in her plan that she would not leave Biddleton until she could afford to, which meant that she would need to find an official real world job after she graduated. 

            I admired her determination, but at the same time, I wished she could just get to be happy, and get on to the good stuff, so to speak.  I imagined a very happy life for her and Nate as time went on, and I wanted her to have it as soon as possible. 

            "And you really don't mind if Nate comes over for a few hours tonight?" she continued.

            "Nooo," I smiled, rolling my eyes at her.  "I would have been staying at Ben's anyway."  My heart fluttered at the thought.  "You aren't imposing on me, you aren't disturbing anything, so please, make yourself at home!  And that includes time with Nate."

            "Well, maybe not too much at home with Nate," she grinned.

            I blushed and tried to stutter out a response, but wasn't sure of an appropriate thing to say.

            "Chill, Max," she chuckled.  "I promise, there will be no fornication in your Grams house."

            "Boy, you aren't kidding," I laughed.

            "So you still can't," she coughed.  "You know?"

            "It is just too weird!" I flushed.  "Besides, his place is so nice, and childhood keepsakes free."

            She giggled again at my reasoning, and I had to join in.  I couldn't help it.  Being at his place, somewhere new and unfamiliar to the Mackenzie that had lived here before, made it easier to believe that it was in fact happening, that I was with him in that capacity.  Otherwise the impossibilities of the scenario were more apparent, and therefore, more painful.

            It didn't matter that months had gone by, I still hadn't managed to get control of myself when the thought of Ben popped into my head.  The never ending flutter in my stomach, the unpredictability with the rhythm of my heart, and the inability to remember to breathe hadn't seemed to lessen at all.  I didn't mind in the slightest.

            My favorite part of being with Ben is how the reality of his abilities far surpassed any of the hopes I had garnered for him through lustful fantasies as a teen.  Fantasies that I would never in a million years admit to anyone for any reason, and that I had tried to convince myself I had never pathetically envisioned.  I shouldn't have been as pleasantly surprised as I was, because honestly, is there anything he can't do?  Certainly nothing I had been able to discover.  And like any good researcher, I was fully committed to testing out every avenue possible.  For scientific purposes, of course.

            "You're thinking about Ben aren't you?" Callie's voice interrupted my thoughts.

            "Why would you assume that?" I stuttered.

            "Because you have a super goofy look in your eyes, and your face is all red," she grinned.

            If I hadn't been blushing before, I certainly was after that. 

            "Hey," she went on.  "It's not your fault!  That is exactly how I am when I fall in love!"

            I started choking on nothing. 

            "In love?" I felt like I was swallowing my tongue. 

            "Don't even act like you aren't completely head over heels for him," she accused, smiling at me.  "Come on, rocks could see that."

            "Rocks?"

            "Shut up," she laughed.  "You know what I mean."

            "Well," I swallowed hard.  "I am sure I don't have any idea what you are referring to."

            "Oh, I think ya do," she began.  "I think you--"

            The universe smiled upon me and my cell phone rang, cutting her off.

            "Oops!" I jumped up, running for my phone.  "Gotta take this, might be important!"

            She continued to chuckle at me, and rolled her eyes once more as I cowardly picked up my cell to answer it.

            "Hello?" I sounded like I was begging with my greeting.  Only partially pathetic.

            "Is this Mackenzie?" the voice on the phone inquired.

            "Yeah," I was trying to place the voice, but wasn't having much luck.  "And who might this be?"

            "This is Michelle!" she squealed.  "How are you?"

            I racked my brain for a split second trying to figure out if I knew a Michelle.  I almost fell over when I realized who it was.

            "Michelle Lancaster?" My voice went up at least an octave as I spoke. 

            I looked over to the couch where Callie was sitting, and watched her eyebrows shoot up as she heard the name I'd spoken.  I felt my own face contort in the same way.

            "So how are things?" Michelle continued.

            "Wait," I shook my head quickly.  "How did you get my number?"

            "From your account info at the bank."  She said this as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

            "Is there something wrong with my account?" I wondered if I had managed to bleed my account somehow, and thought maybe holding on to the check from Gram's estate had been a bad idea.

            "No," she replied, matter of factly.  "I was just wondering if you were busy tonight?"

            "What?"

            "I wanted to invite you to the party at Tucker's house tonight," she went on.  "We are all sort of getting into the spirit before the reunion on Saturday."

            I bit my lip.  I wasn't sure that yelling into the phone that her old high school chum, and epic bitch, Amber had deemed me unworthy of attending said reunion would be the best idea.

            "Why?"  For some reason, this was the word that escaped me.

            "Well, you haven't made it to any of the other ones," she explained.  "And everyone has been asking about you, so I told them I would get a hold of you and make you come!"

            "Why would you tell them that?" I was very much in awe of this conversation.  Not in a good way, either.

            "Oh come on," she sounded frustrated.  "You can bring Ben, and feel free to invite Callie if you want.  I heard you guys were hanging out."  Before I could ask where she'd heard that from, she went on.  "You know where Tucker's house is right?"

            "Yeah," I sighed.  "But, are you saying you got my number from your bank to invite me to a party?  Is that even legal?"

            "Okay," she seemed to ignore me.  "So I will tell everyone that you'll be there.  Usually starts around eight or so."

            I opened my mouth the protest, and inform her that I most certainly would not be attending, but she cut me off.      "Alright," she was very cheerful again.  "See you then!"

            With a click she was gone.  I stood there staring at the phone in my hands for what felt like a very long time before Callie broke my concentration.

            "What on earth was that about?" she asked.

            "I have no idea," I knew I looked as confused as I felt.  "She wanted to invite me to one of those parties at Tucker's tonight."

            "That's random," she declared.

            I nodded in agreement.  It really was one of the oddest phone calls I had ever participated in.  To go from being shunned by Amber days earlier, to now being on the guest list for the cool kids party, seemed ridiculously unnatural.  That would be using the term "cool kids" loosely, as from what I had seen thus far, they had all morphed into oddly hollow shells of their past selves.  Michelle looked the same, and yet completely different, just by the level of polish that she no longer possessed.  It gave me an odd sense of confidence to see the distinction between the Michelle I used to live in fear of, and the present day Michelle that didn't have the same bite that she used to.

            "Do you want to go?" I teased.  "They told me to invite you, too."

            "Not even a little bit," she responded.  Her voice had a slight edge to it that I didn't understand, so I decided to drop my jibbing.

            "So."  I decided to change the subject.  "What are you and Nate going to do tonight?"

            "Probably just hang out, order pizza and watch a movie or something," she half sighed.  "He will have to go in for his shift in the morning."

            Ugh, his shift.  I couldn't imagine how loathsome it must be to have to drive an hour back to St. Louis to start his radio spot at two in the morning.  I guess that just proved exactly how much he cared for her that he would put forth that kind of effort.

            "How about you and Ben?"

            "Probably the same," I tried to hide my smile.

            Ben and I had done lots of different things as far as dates went.  Movies, dinners out, a couple of shows in St. Louis, bowling and what have you.  Although all of that was an amazing way to spend my time, I think my favorite way to enjoy Ben was when it was just the two of us, being happy and low key at his place.  We took turns cooking meals for each other, or just relaxing with a bottle of wine.  It was beyond blissful, and it felt like so much more than any one person deserved to get to have that amount of alone time with a man like Benjamin Stevens.  Why he seemed compelled to want to spend that time with me was a question I was determined to never ask. 

            But maybe things weren't like that anymore.  My time away from Biddleton had allowed me to become someone other than what I had been forced into as a child.  I became the person I should have always been.  Felt free to dress however I wanted, do the things I wanted to do, whether they were socially acceptable or not, and even have actual friends.  My Grams had always tried to tell me that if I would just be myself, if I wouldn't care so much what other people thought about me, in turn, they would respect me and appreciate me for who I truly was.  Not who I was trying to be.

            Of course, trying to explain this to a relentlessly bullied fourteen year old isn't going to sink in the way it probably should have.  To hear all the musings of those older than yourself, it is easy to believe that they don't know what they are talking about.  That things are so very different than they were in their day.  The joy of being a completely egocentric teen is the notion that you are not only the center of the universe, but that you have it worse than any human has ever had it in the history of the world. 

            And it really does feel that way.  I can vividly remember sitting alone in my room, crying about the days various events, and rationalizing that I in fact had it harder than anyone else.  That the level of suffering I was being subjected to had never before been wrought on another human being.  In a flash of teenage martyrdom, at one point I felt grateful that I was taking all the pain, and that it possibly meant that someone else didn't have to be tortured thanks to my position as a lightning rod.  That flash was brief however as I quickly returned to thinking how tragically unfair life was that I had to take all the crap while everyone else walked around oblivious, and enjoying their high school careers. 

            While it was abundantly clear that I had far from the ideal schooling experience, I wondered if I was somehow making up for it now.  Going from being the butt of every joke, the bulls-eye of every target, there I was, suddenly dating the most perfect, and popular boy, best friends with the most likable girl, standing up to the mean girl, and being invited to the parties that I would have broken many a law to have been invited to back in the day. 

            Was that all it took?  Accidentally taking Gram's advice, falling into it just by growing up, and unfathomably getting my second chance. 

            If it were all to work out to be true, I hoped that she was somewhere that she could see her sage wisdom in action.

            Callie and I spent the afternoon being especially girly.  She insisted on killing some time with dual pedicures, which involved us sitting on either side of the couch, our feet in the other person's lap, and simultaneously painting each other’s nails.  It took a lot longer than it probably should have thanks to the fit of giggles that the image of the two of us kept bringing on. 

            She, never one to turn down the opportunity to dress me like her own, only slightly unwilling, Barbie doll, happily pawed through my closet, enthusiastically putting together several outfit choices for my night with Ben.  I took an awful lot of pleasure in being able to do the same for her for once.  We dug through the clothes that she had brought with her, and I marveled at her spunky gear.  She is one of the few adults I have ever known that can pull off neon colors and not look completely ridiculous.  I very much envied her ability to wear spikes of purple in her hair, which she seemed to find hilarious.       

            When we started thinking of footwear options to go with the black shorts and hot pink shirt we had chosen, she remembered that she still had several bags left out in her Jeep to bring in.  Realizing we were getting very close to the arrival of the boys, ran out to unload her car.

            We squealed our way outside, laughing about our still being barefoot from the impromptu pedicures, and tiptoed across the gravel driveway.  While we were reaching in through the open windows to retrieve her things, my attention was caught by the sound of an oncoming car.  At first I thought maybe it might be Ben, returning from work, but then realized he must have already been home for at least half an hour. 

            The car slowed down as it neared the house and I wondered if it was planning on pulling into where we stood.  But as it crawled past my drive, as if it were looking for something, I noticed that it was a very fancy ride.  A red Mercedes convertible was a hard car to miss, but I paid very little attention to the specifics of the vehicle once I saw who was behind the wheel.

            Amber Oaks, in all of her perfectly coifed glory, was looking out the open passenger side window trying to locate something.  As soon as I saw her, I dove beside Callie's Jeep, hoping that I hadn't been spotted.  My stealth tactics only served to alert Callie to the fact that something was happening and her little head bobbed right up out of her backseat and turned towards the road.  From my vantage point of being crouched down by her bumper, I didn't miss when Amber's head whipped around and spotted Callie, who looked back at her with a puzzled expression on her face.

            I swore I saw Amber sneer.

            The question of what she had slowed down to find was answered as I watched her pull into Ben's driveway, and disappear behind the trees.

            "Oh my god," Callie blurted out.  "Was that Amber?"

            "Yes!" I hissed, hoping up off the ground.  "What is she doing out here?"

            "Is she seriously going to see Ben?" she was as surprised as I was.  "Why would she be doing that?"

            My mind flashed in a hundred different directions at once.  The more benign of my assumptions centered around her maybe pushing him into attending the reunion, or that she was really hoping that he would in fact give a speech as she had asked him to do when we ran into her at the festival.  The painful options were that maybe she was there to remind him of the fact that I was, and would always be the picture of lameness.  My earlier semi-epiphany of acquired confidence and second chances vanished as I imagined the memories of me that she could present him with.  I shuddered.

            I begged my mind not to go there, but I couldn't not consider the fact that maybe it was him that invited her to his place?  That this wasn't a spontaneous visit by her, but in fact she had been beckoned by him.  Did he realize that he missed her, or did he feel a rekindling of the sparks they'd once had for each other?  He had seemed very irritated by her when we had come across her before, and I had taken it as he was just as out with her idiotic behavior as I always had been, but what if I had read him wrong?  What if he seemed so tense because he was wanting to greet her in a more personal way, but didn't want to have to do it in front of me and face the fall out?

            "Whoa, Max," Callie spoke, concerned.  "You look like you are going to be sick.  Are you okay?"

            I looked at her with a desperate expression.  I didn't have time to remind myself that I was probably over reacting to what we had seen before all the theories that had been tumbling inside my head came rushing out in a panicked voice.

            "You are being crazy," she asserted.  "Ben would never do that to you."

            "Then what is she doing there?" My voice sounded strangled.

            She stared at me, the wheels in her brain turning.  I could see she was trying to think of something comforting to say, and like me, she was coming up blank.    "Look," I insisted.  "I don't care how crazy any of this sounds, but I am telling you I have a horrible feeling about this.  There is no possible reason that she would be over there that isn't gut wrenchingly awful!"

            "Okay, okay," she tried to use a calming voice, but her uncertainty betrayed her.  "Let's just think rationally about this.  Ben adores you, so there is no way he would have done anything like that.  I am sure it is something completely harmless."

            She took a deep breath as if to show that her words were absolute, but she stood, fidgeting with her hands, obviously thinking about the real reasons for Amber's appearance.

            "Maybe we could look?"  she offered.

            "What do you mean, look?" I frowned.

            "I mean, and this is not something I would normally advocate," she clarified.  "But that maybe we could kind of hide out in the trees and we might be able to see what is going on."

            "Are you saying we should spy on him?"

            "Well..." she paused.  "No.  You're right.  That is completely insane."

            "That's brilliant!" I enthused.  "But we better put some shoes on first."

            As I turned to run for the house, I felt her close behind, and thought I might have heard her saying something along the lines of this being a bad idea.

            Moments later, we were sneaking out the back of Gram's house, and honing our ninja skills by tiptoeing through the woods.  When we neared Ben's house, we could clearly see the red convertible parked, now empty, in front of his garage.

            "See?" I whispered harshly.  "If this was something innocent, I bet he wouldn't have even let her in the house!"

            Callie gave me a look like I was losing my mind.  I didn't argue, She might have been right.

            We waited for some time.  I am not even sure how long it might have been, but I knew my legs were getting very tired from standing against a tree.  Eventually, we both curled up on the ground, sitting on leaves from the previous fall, and the little bit of growth that was able to make its way through the thick cover of the trees above.  Neither of us really said anything, we just sat, listening, and watching over the windows with laser precision, looking for any sign as to what might have been going on inside.

            "Maybe we should go around the house," she suggested.  "Maybe they are in a different room?"

            I sank a little as she spoke.  What other room would they be in?  If it was one that couldn't be seen from the front of the house, which would imply a bedroom, then I was sure I didn't really want or need to know that.

            She could see the sick look on my face.  "Max, maybe we should go back." she pleaded.  "This is just making you crazy, and we can't even see anything.  I bet your imagination is far worse than anything they might be doing in there."

            "But why has she been in there for so long?" I whined.  "This is so not good."

            She wanted to argue, her mouth opened a few times to try, but even she had to admit that things weren't looking great.

            I sat there, wallowing in the horrid possibilities of what was going on within those walls, when I was startled by the sound of the front door opening.

            Out strode Ms. Amber Oaks, a smug pull on her features.  As she walked down the front steps, Ben appeared standing in the door frame, looking after her with an unreadable expression.  Was he mad?  Hurt?  I swallowed hard before I could think the next one.  Guilty?

            Right before Amber reached her car, she carefully smoothed out her hair and brushed off the gray skirt she was wearing.  I hadn't noticed until she drew that attention to it, but she was dressed very nicely.  Her pencil skirt was topped off with shy high stilettos, and a sleeveless, button up, rather tight fitting, black shirt.  Far too much cleavage to have had a harmless intention.  Definitely dressed to impress.

            What I saw next caused my heart to slam its way up into my throat.  She stood in front of the driver's side door, and with a wicked little smile, very deliberately buttoned one of the open buttons, before turning back and giving a flirtatious wave to Ben, who was still standing with that indiscernible look in his eyes.

            I could barely hear the engine of her car turn on over the roar in my ears.  She carefully maneuvered out of his drive with her expensive car, and he stayed right where he was, his face never offering more than the indecipherable look he'd had the entire time.  Once she was gone down the road, heading back towards town, he slowly turned back into his house and shut the door behind him.

            I was suddenly up on my feet being pulled back towards Gram's.  I looked at my wrist, and saw Callie's had wrapped tightly around it, dragging me behind her.  I had almost forgotten that she had been beside me in the first place.

            She flew in through the back door, yanking me in after her, and didn't stop until we reached the living room.  She dropped my arm, before taking my shoulders in her hand, and guiding me to sit on the couch.

            Callie paced in front of me.  Back and forth, back and forth until she became a blond and purple haired blur.  I couldn't focus on anything other than trying to swallow my heart down out of my throat, or I was afraid I might choke on it.  

            "There has to be some mistake," she eventually muttered, possibly to herself.  "That's it, it has to be a mistake."

            "Callie," I croaked.

            She stopped abruptly.  "I am going to kick his ass!" she yelled, and flew around to look at me.  "He could not be that stupid!  Did he really not think that you wouldn't find out about that?  I mean, she went to his house!  How freaking ballsy is that!  No, wait, that isn't ballsy, that is just cruel!  Stupid and cruel!"

            So she had come to the same conclusion I had.  Some small, incorrectly hopeful, part of my brain had counted on her to have come up with a reason, any reason, for why what we had just seen couldn't possibly have been what it looked like.  Hearing her confirmation made me feel like someone was standing on my ribcage.

            Callie resumed her pacing, a string of profanities coming out in time with her steps.  I couldn't make most of it out, I felt like I was on the verge of catatonia.  I blinked through tears that hadn't made their way out of my eyes yet, and tried to focus on something, anything I could make my brain recognize.

            The clock on the wall is what I was able to notice.  It was seven-thirty.  Ben was a full half an hour late for picking me up.  Even worse, that meant that we had been hiding out behind his house for at least an hour.  My heart was breaking, tearing apart inside of me as I thought of how they had passed the time.

            "Come on," Callie snapped, taking my wrist again and ripping me up from the couch.  She dragged me into the purple room and  tore the clothes we had laid out earlier in the afternoon from the bed and thrust them at me.  "Put these on." she ordered.

            "Why?"  My voice was a pitiful squeak from holding back from crying. 

            "Because if he dares to show his face here to pick you up," she ranted.  "You are going to look fabulous when we tell him that we know he is a filthy, disgusting, jackass."

            I couldn't force my limbs to move fast enough for her, and within seconds, she was peeling my clothes off of me, and helping me tug on the sleek pair of black pants, and green tank top with the sparkling ivy winding across the right side of the chest that we had chosen hours before with the idea that I would wear them on my date with him.  And now I was, what?  Wearing them so he could dump me? 

            She lightly pushed me into sitting on the bed so she could start pulling my boots on.  She didn't have to push very hard.  A gentle breeze could have knocked me over at that point.

            Just as she was pulling a brush, a little too forcefully, through my hair, there was a knock at the front door.  My stomach began to collapse upon itself.

            Callie gave me a supportive glare before she turned on her heels and marched to the front door.  I meant to follow her, but I hadn't regained full use of a normal speed, so by the time she had violently opened the door, I had only made it to the hallway. 

            I hadn't the foggiest idea of what I was planning to do or say to him, so the relief was swift when instead of Ben on the other side of the front door, it was Nate.

            "Nate!" she squealed.  "I am so glad you are here!"  She was dragging him into the house and slamming the door shut behind them.

            "Well, that's better than 'Aw, not you again!' right?" he smiled, and bent down to kiss her on the head, which was an impressive fete due to her bouncing around angrily.  "What's going on?"

            "Sweetie," she asked sweetly.  "You'd kill for me, right?"

            "Sure," he deadpanned.  "Who am I killing?"

            She jerked her head around to indicate the pitiful mess that was me, still in the hall.

            "Yeah, I can't kill Max," he shook his head.  "Besides, she kind of looks like she is upset." He continued to asses me.  "Did you guys have a fight?  Because I can't kill your best friend because you had a fight.  I am pretty sure you would be mad at me tomorrow if I did."

            "Not her," she rolled her eyes.  "Ben."

            "Why would I kill Ben, exactly?" 

            He looked to me for the answer, but I couldn't make myself say the words.

            "He's cheating on her," Callie glowered.

            Hearing it out loud made me feel physically ill. 

            "Seriously?"  Nate looked unconvinced.  "Ben wouldn't do that!"

            "We saw him!" she declared.

            She went into a detailed explanation of what we had encountered while schlepping through the forest, and I blocked it out as best I could.  Seeing it once was gut wrenching enough, I didn't need to hear the blow by blow again.

            Was I really that surprised?  I mean, if I were to be compared to Amber, her physique alone would be enough to convince most men that I wasn't even of the same species as her.  And the two of them has such a strong history, there was no way to compete with that.  Even if Amber hadn't popped up and been the one to bring this on, how long would I have expected this to last without him realizing there were far greater, less scarred, options out there for him.  There wasn't anything about me in school that caught his eye in the slightest, so why did I think that it would be so different as an adult that I would be able to hang onto him? 

            I wish I would have been smart enough to realize that all the doubts and nervousness I had when I first came back and started spending time with him were glaring warning signs.  My brains futile attempt to protect my heart.

            A numbness was starting to spread through my limbs.  An acceptance of what I really knew all along, but chose to ignore, and pretend otherwise.  That he was, and always would, deserve better than me.  And that I wasn't, and never would be good enough for him.

            "That really doesn't look to good on him," Nate pondered.  "Does it."  It wasn't a question.  And I had stopped hoping for one of them to come up with a plausible idea to the contrary.  It was what it was, and no amount of wishing was going to change that.

            "No," Callie clamped her teeth together.  "It doesn't.  What a jerk."  Then with a happy little glint in her eye, "So you'll kill him?"

            "There has to be something else," he interjected.  "Ben is a good guy.  He just doesn't seem like the type."

            Callie stared at him, waiting.

            "Okay, if he did do it," he sighed.  "Then I promise I will kill him.  Is that fair?"

            Callie smiled and pulled him down to give him a little kiss.

            I expected that to hurt, to see them happy and in love.  That I would be jealous.  But I was just happy for them.  Just because I had made such a huge mistake didn't mean I could begrudge those two their happiness.

            We were all silenced by the sound of tires crunching gravel outside.  There he was. 

            Nate moved himself out of the way, and went to stand silently over by the television.  Callie, on the other hand, had a ferocious look on her face as she watched the door.  I just stayed where I was, at the end of the hallway, waiting.

            When Ben knocked on the door, I saw Callie and Nate both stiffen up, before she stomped to the door and flung it open.

            He looked as handsome as always, even dressed as casually as he was.  A black t-shirt with a bands name I couldn't focus on enough to read, and jeans.  I couldn't even remember if that is what he had been wearing when he saw Amber to her car.  In either case, he was beautiful.  His hair so perfectly, so effortlessly tousled, the color a smooth caramel.  His eyes so brilliantly blue, that it hurt to look directly at them now. 

            His eyes were different tonight.  They looked weathered somehow.  I still couldn't make out what his expression meant, but by then, it didn't really matter.

            He walked in carefully, his eyes drawn to the stance of the elfin person glaring at him by the door, but turned to me after a moment.

            "Hey, Max."  His voice sounded heavy.  No doubt with the weight of what he done.  "I am sorry I am late, and didn't call.  I had --"

            "What," Callie snapped.  "Did you need time to shower first?"

            I winced at her accusation, but said nothing.

            "What are you talking about?" He seemed hurt by her tone.  Or maybe hurt by the truth.  Who knows?

            "If you try to play innocent with this, I will personally kick your ass," she threatened.

            Ben and I both flinched with her threat.  He looked confused, probably wondering how we knew, and her words seemed to bring him a flash of pain.  Even with what had happened, I couldn't stand to see him looking pained.  I felt oddly calm.  Like it all finally made sense, that before, it was all a fun illusion.  It had always seemed so alien, the idea of he and I together.  This, however, this seemed rational.  I was hurt by the way it had ended, but I couldn't fault him for realizing what everyone else had certainly seen all along.

            "Callie," I inhaled deeply.

            "What is going on," Ben demanded.  He was getting frustrated.

            "Look, Callie," I continued.  "It's not his fault."

            "The hell it isn't!" she yelled.

            "What isn't my fault?"

            "Ben, it's fine," I sighed, ignoring the look of shock Callie was shooting at me.  "Really, I get it.  I understand."

            "Well, I don't!" She was surprisingly intimidating when she was mad.

            "Someone, please tell me what is going on!"  He threw his arms up, agitated.

            Callie turned to him and looked like she was about to pounce when Nate interceded.

            "Why don't we give him a chance to explain."

            "There is nothing to explain," she growled towards Ben.  "We saw you."

            "Saw me what?" He was getting angry now.  "Will somebody just stop and tell me what the hell you are talking about!"

            "We saw you with Amber," I sighed.

            "Saw me where?"

            "She was at your house," Callie was practically snarling.  "We saw her there.  So maybe next time you decide to cheat on your girlfriend, you could maybe do it when you aren't fifty feet away."

            He stared at her, his expression somewhat blank, as though he was trying to process what she was saying.  After a few hard blinks, he shook his head hard before directing his attention towards me.

            "Are you serious?" His voice pulled, making my stomach lurch.  "You think I cheated on you?"

            I took another deep breath. "Ben, I understand.  I do.  It's not a big deal, alright?"

            Callie's look for me was incredulous. 

            "It is a big deal!" she screamed at him.  "How could you do that to her?"

            "I didn't--" he shook his head again, like he was trying to force things into place.  "I would never--"

            "Honestly, it's okay," I went on.  I wanted to end this as smoothly as possible.  "We had a good run.  It was more than I ever would have asked for, and I am very grateful for it."  I took a second to steady myself so that I didn't let the tears make their way up again.  "Don't get me wrong, I mean, I wish you would have just told me, instead of sleeping with Amber, but I get why it happened.  You deserve better than what I am, Ben.  You should be with someone that isn't completely spastic, and who doesn't have a past that's as full of crazy as mine is.  You should be with someone won't embarrass you all the time."  My words started coming out shakier than I hoped.  "But like I said, I appreciate the chance you gave me.  I really do.  And I hope that you and Amber will be happy."

            Okay, I hoped he would be happy.  I hoped she got mauled by those rabid squirrels he had warned me of.

            "How can you think that," he whispered, taking a step towards me.  "How can you think any of that?"

            "Ben, I am being pretty calm about this.  I think I am taking this a lot better than most women would."  I was trying so hard to keep it together.  "So at least have the guts to admit it.  You have nothing to lose.  Don't you think that at the very least, I deserve some honesty here?"

            "This is insane," his words were pleading.  "This is seriously insane.  I did not sleep with Amber.  I did not cheat on you, Max."

            "Ben," I began.

            "No.  I can't believe either of you would think that," he added a desperate look at Callie.  "Yes, Amber came to my house earlier, but I didn't do anything with her.  Max, please," he came closer still.  "I would never do that to you.  I would never hurt you like that.  And you can't possibly think those things.  How can you say I deserve better than you?"

            "Alright," Callie piped in, although her voice was considerably less threatening now.  "If you weren't getting it on with Amber, what were the two of you doing for an entire hour?"

            "We fought!" He turned on her with a tortured expression.  "She dropped by, I didn't even know she was coming, and she was trying to get me to come to that stupid reunion with her.  And yes, she came on to me, but I didn't do anything.  Even if I weren't in a relationship," he wheeled around to me.  "Which I am, and wouldn't do anything to jeopardize, I still would have turned her down.  There are reasons that she and I split up years ago, and I haven't forgotten them.  So we fought.  The same ridiculous arguments we had the last time I saw her.  She is incredibly persistent, and obnoxious, and while I sincerely wanted to physically remove her from my house, I am not really that kind of guy."

            "And were you planning on sharing any of this with Max?" Callie demanded.

            "Of course!" he was completely exasperated.  "Believe it or not, but I was upset, and I was hoping that I could talk with my girlfriend about it."

            "Then why didn't you?" she was beginning to falter with her accusations.

            "Because the second I walked in the door people were yelling at me!"

            Callie shot me a look, followed closely by Nate.  I could see they were doubting the charge against him, but I was not going to be tricked again by a man who was cheating on me.  Especially one who held the ability to crush my heart so easily.

            "Why can't you just admit it?" I was getting frustrated.  "What, are you afraid it might tarnish the golden record of Ben Stevens or something?  Because I promise, we can keep the secret."

            "What?"

            "Are you worried people might see you with a flaw?  That the infallible Ben makes mistakes like the rest of us regular folk?"  My words were dripping with acid.

            "Max," Callie was suddenly calm.  "I think we were wrong."

            "No," I glared.  "We weren't.  You are just getting sucked into magical words of the great Ben Stevens."  I could hear that I was losing control, but I couldn't stop.  "This is bullshit Ben.  You can't even own up to what you did?  God forbid we tarnish your brilliance in any way."

            I was hurting him.  I watched the pain contorting his features, and the fact that it still felt like a knife twisting in my stomach to see that made me even more angry.  Why should I care about his pain when he clearly doesn't care about inflicting it on me?  I had tried to be fair.  More than fair.  All he had to give in return were to say the words.  To speak aloud the words confessing his poor judgment.

            "You know what," I went on, unprovoked.  He hadn't moved an inch, only staring at me with anguished eyes.  "I knew it was a lie.  I knew no one could be as perfect as Ben Stevens pretends to be."

            "Mackenzie," Callie gasped.

            "No," I barked at her.  "I have been falling for it my whole life.  Completely fooled by everything he does."  I felt the tears coming hard and fast.  "Not anymore.  I won't let him, or this place, trick me into thinking I am something I am not, or into believing all the crap anymore."

            The first drops fell from my eyes, and the room started to close in on me.  I had to get out.  If I didn't get out of that house right that second, I felt like I was going to implode.  It was too much.  The one thing that had led me to believing I had a shot at redemption in this god forsaken town, and it was all a sham.

            "Look," I sucked in a shaky breath. "It was my fault, my stupidity that let me fall in love with you, but I refuse to keep making the same mistake."

            Refusing to meet his excruciating gaze, or acknowledge the looks from Callie and Nate that were telling me plain as day that I was wrong, and had gone too far, I kept my head down, stormed to the door, grabbing my keys off the desk, and hurled myself outside.

            I was trying to get my car unlocked, which was proving difficult with the low light and blurry, wet eyes, when I heard Callie flying out of the house behind me.

            "Max, where are you going?" she begged.

            "I don't know," I sniffled, trying to maintain some sort of composure.  "I just have to get out of here."

            "Then I will come with you," she offered.

            "No," I rebuked her.  "It's okay.  Go be with Nate."

            "I am going with you."

            "Fine." I muttered.  I didn't have the strength to argue with her.

            I managed to unlock my car, and climbed in, unlocking the door on Callie's side, and she joined me.

            The sobs were slamming inside my chest, but I couldn't bear to let them out.  I just drove away, determined to put any sort of distance between that house and myself.

            "Max," she was trying to keep her voice calm.  "I think we made a huge mistake.  I am so sorry, I shouldn't have gotten so carried away!"

            "No," my voice cracked.  "I think you were right.  This is what's best anyway.  If it hadn't been today, it would have been soon I am sure."

            "Please," she was near tears herself.  "Let's go back.  We have to fix this."

            I thought quietly for a moment, staring at the road as it flew by the windshield.  No, I couldn't go back there.  No matter how hard we tried, there was no way to fix how very wrong I was for him, and how I would never be enough to deserve that for myself. 

            "You know what?" I forced a grin. 

            I had decided where I was going to go and so I steered my car towards town.  To a place I was familiar with, and yet had never been before.

             "I feel like going to a party."